JAMES

Oh goodness.. James. James is our 2 year old and the love of my life.. along with his little brother who is ALSO the love of my life (and yes, of course their dad as well!). We had such peaceful plans for James, the hypnobirthing classes where I actually trained to have a pain free birth, the breastfeeding classes, the midwives, the birth plan of our perfectly natural orgasmic (LOL) birth. James had other plans. James came to us two weeks early after a 36 hour labor. He was on his way, then changed his mind, then he was on his way again.. then he turned, changed his mind again. Sounds of construction outside the window filled the room as the midwife took a phone call (the OBGYN yelling at the midwife) what a scene. Then, he cried, we cried, and our whole world changed. We had a beautiful crib for James- a gift from my Poppy back east. Auntie Babe shipped a beautiful green bassinet. James slept on me for the first 3 months and in his red Radio Flyer wagon until he was 12 months old. My husband and I would take turns rolling the wagon back and forth, back and forth until the little guy fell asleep. He would sleep for a few hours, then wake up and watch Conan O'Brien. Then he would sleep for a few more hours in his pack n play and maybe a few more hours in bed with us. I had wanted to breastfeed James and I tried, making it only about 4 weeks before we started supplementing and then eventually all formula. I would cry because I felt like I failed him- already. He had reflux and would vomit halfway across the room. He was the baby that rolled half way across the bed at 3 months. How did he do that?
James has an incredible energy that fills the room. He is the life of the party yet very shy. He will dance in the center of a room, but hide behind me if you ask him his name. He can tell you that he is two and that he has a brother that cries. He speaks in sentences at home and pretends to talk like a baby in public. James plays drums, piano and he sings. His art work extends all the way across the walls in our kitchen, to the table and chairs in the backyard. Thank God for magic eraser. I love his art work.. especially the art work that lands on the paper! I have been making hand made baptism invitations for his little brother. James colored on some of them- but they were so beautiful I let him color all of them. He wanted to make his mark.
James can run, dance, sing and go go go from 8am until close to midnight without a nap (but we don't let him). He hates naps, but sleeps very well at night. James has been eating foods from all over the world since he was an infant. He loves Indian and Thai food. James can name all the Thomas trains and will beg for them at Target. He LOVES Dora. Even though he does not watch much TV, I allow him to watch Thomas and Dora on my laptop (not very Waldorf of me) but I can't deny him of his Dora and his Thomas. I could write a book on James. He is bright, hysterical, strong and he has a mind of his own. There are times in the middle of the night when I want to wake him up and put him in bed with us. I kiss him in his sleep and try to hold on to time- he is growing up so fast. I remember how tired I was when he use to sleep next to me as an infant. Now I would do anything for those days back- time passed so quickly. He does not want to cuddle as much now.. but he will run by and kiss me and say "I love you." James made me strong and he keeps me on my toes. He has a hunger for life, a thirst for knowledge and he searches all day long for monsters, new places, stories, colors, sounds- just taking everything in. He inspires me because he has his own plan and he's sticking to it. I'm always behind him.

Graeson

Graeson.. our little boy was 100 days old this past Sunday. He is our youngest little monster. Graeson was born on May 21, 2010. He is the exact opposite of his brother minus the same bottom lip that comes out when I sing "At Last." You cannot put Graeson down. I remember the one time that I put him in the stroller- he cried the entire time. As I fiddled in public with a large piece of fabric that was supposed to cradle him perfectly against my chest, I realized that this very fancy double stroller will sell quite nicely on Craigslist. To make matters worse, James (our oldest) will not sit in the stroller. So I found myself wearing baby Graeson, chasing toddler James and pushing an empty stroller. Of course pushing an empty stroller, chasing a toddler and wearing a newborn only opens up a mom to a variety of different comments from well meaning strangers who either forgot what it was like to be a parent, never had kids, or is just completely stupid. Comments such as "You certainly have YOUR hands full HAHAA" which is the comment that irks me the most. But back to Graeson. Although you cannot put him down, he is very cuddly and sweet. He just needs to be close to, well, me at all times. The car ride is doable when he falls asleep.
I prayed for a little cuddle bug and I got him! Quite opposite from his brother, Graeson was born to nurse. So, I find myself nursing him sometimes every hour and he does not take a bottle. I may sound like I am complaining, but honestly I'm not. James and I never got the nursing thing down. It was horrible because I had wanted to nurse so badly. The cost of formula was sickening as well as the health problems, reflux and bloody stools that came along with an infant on formula. It was many months before we were able to breath again, with the stress that nursing (or lack there of) put on James, myself and our immediate family. I was extremely depressed. So when Graeson was born I vowed that I would do everything in my power to breastfeed. Well, I got my wish.. and now nursing is like second nature. The first 12 weeks were not easy and then one day it got easier and easier and now I would not have it any other way- but more on that later.
My Graeson, I often wonder if he is meditating when he appears to be sleeping. He has smiled from birth (and I don't think it was just gas), he appears very strong even though he is very tiny. I really have a feeling that he is going to be a very strong dude one day. He has that look in his eyes as if he has known all of us forever and that he's got our number so to speak. I get the impression that he likes James but I also get the impression that he is quietly plotting his attack on James when James least expects it.
I caught James talking to Graeson today. James was lining up his Thomas trains one by one and teaching Graeson all of their names. Graeson was smiling at him. I wonder sometimes if Graeson will also like trains, if he will love art the way his brother does and if he will also color the wall with crayons the way his brother does. I wonder as I hold his little hands how many other people will hold and shake the same hand? I wonder about the things he will build with those little fingers, what stories he will write or if he will play an instrument?
Today he is simply happy to just laugh, roll over and smile. He smiles a lot towards the sky. I wonder, does he see angels? James use to laugh at things that I could not see.. off in the corner by himself. Now today, I watch them laugh together at something (someone?) that I cannot see and I know that they know more about this life than I ever will.

The Piano

It sure can be a frustrating instrument. It is very cool to watch a little person discover an instrument bit by bit.I don't want to frustrate him and I am trying to keep it fun. His "lesson" is really only 5-7 minutes every other day, then I walk away and he plays whatever comes out. James knows up and down on the piano, high and low. He can find Middle C. He knows that there are black keys and white keys and that a half note gets 2 beats. Then he insists on a sticker. Throughout the day he will go over to the piano and play. The only time I step in (aside from his lesson) is if he plays with his fists- fingers only.
The other day he poured water all over my keyboard and it seems to be OK thankfully. Not sure if he was making a statement? It the meantime we just try to keep it fun and water free.

GO PLAY!!!!!

Thats what my mom use to say to "us kids." Looking back, I remember playing outside, without adults around until the street lights came on. No, I did not come from a family that didn't care about me- actually quite the opposite. I walked home from school by myself by the age of six and I knew to go straight home or to my grandmothers-who lived right next door.

My afternoons consisted of tree climbing, rock climbing and playing ALONE by the Bay in Warwick, R.I. Yup! I played alone by the bay. Friends and I would play "make believe" dig up shells, fish, swim, we even ate (raw!) clams that we dug up from the sand. Sure I fell from time to time, yes I had a bloody knee from the rocks.. but nothing a band- aid could not fix.

Now.. many years later and all the way across the country, I fear that my son could fall off a picnic table, fall face first in a puddle or get a thorn stuck in his foot from our rose bush. I realized today that I am not giving my son enough credit. Of course I'm not ready to let my two year old roam the neighborhood alone, but would it be all that bad to let him play alone (OK, sort of alone) in the fenced in backyard? I tried this early this morning. I put on his shoes and a sweater (it was 60 degrees!!!! FINALLY!!!) pointed him to the door and began preparing his breakfast. He stood there at our back door as if to say "really?" Then not wasting another second he turned around and he was gone-all by himself in the backyard. I kept looking out.. I kept the door open actually.. pretty much with one foot ready to run to "rescue" him. But my little boy stood there.. with colored chalk in hand (thanks Larisa!) and began coloring on his new easel in the morning sun. It was cold and windy and he was drawing, smiling and very peaceful. Then he moved on to the mud, crawling on his hands and knees through the grass and dirt, falling backwards as if he was trying to make angles in snow (as I did growing up back east). When the wind would blow he would yell "monsters!!!"

It was early for us, even the baby was "sleeping in" next to his dad in bed. But oddly, I was not tired. Everything became very clear to me. James threw his hands up, running and motioned to me saying "come on!!!" It occurred to me that this whole time I had been trying to catch him when I really should have just followed.